“What will you do if you have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, J?”

An excellent question, and while I’m not always that excited about telling people the answer, at least I have it sorted out in my head. The answer is of course in two parts.

Number one: On my van journey this summer I discovered that peeing in a bottle is not only fun, it’s better than a toilet. You don’t have to get out of bed, and if you’re careful you don’t even have to lift the covers! Seriously, problem solved.

Number poo: This is where developing mutually advantageous relationships with staff at 24 hours services like 7-11 and adult video stores will come in handy… okay maybe I haven’t thought that one through enough. I’m pretty regular though, I figured it’d be part of my morning ritual at the pool. Not in the pool of course; in the change rooms.

What really worries me is, where am I going to use my Neti pot??? For those who don’t know, Neti is the ayurvedic practice of pouring salt water in one nostril and out the other. A Neti pot is designed to help with this rather messy task. I was pretty dubious when a dear friend gave one to me a few months back. “Keep your nose clean,” she said. As H1N1 loomed I gave it a try: the idea is it flushes out the very cavities where that virus and others like to party. I don’t know for sure that it’s working, but it feels great, so now I’m doing it everyday… but that’s one thing I can’t see myself doing at the community centre. Or on the street. Or in the van.

Where will I do it, Sam I Am?

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